The Truth About Book Reviewers

The book reviewer. The somewhat nerdy friend you have that trades time and energy (and words) on books in order to get…you guessed it, more books.

If you are thinking about starting a blog, or consider yourself an old timer, there are certain expectations you might have of yourself, your abilities, your hopes that – actually – couldn’t be further from the truth.

No matter how much we fail at these expectations, our hearts are in the right place.

So here’s to ten overly-optimistic ideas of what we can achieve in 24 hours (not including all the nonsense things, like work, sleep, being sociable).

***

You’re organised, write blog posts in time, and schedule everything in advance.

I think I’ve hit a self-imposed book deadline maybe twice in my blogging life – both of which were purely accidental.

I’d like to say I have a schedule to work to, but I’d be lying. I’m lucky if I post once a week (I know that’s awful guys – I’m sorry!).

But you know, life, and work, and stuff (like reading more books) gets in the way.

And there’s nothing like panic-writing to pump a bit of creativity into your posts.

***

You’ve been blogging for a while now. You know exactly what you’re doing.

Sure…

It’s been three years and the only thing I can guarantee is that I have no idea what I’m doing. Posts I think are pure gold crash and burn with nothing more than a feeble spark. Others seem to fly for no apparent reason.

I just don’t get it.

But it’s OK.

I don’t know when is the best time to post, what types of posts work well, or even how to actually write a review. But that’s the beauty of it all. We’re just all here, loving books, right?

***

You’ll read your ARC copies in advance of the publication date, because that’s what they’re there for.

There is a sad windowsill in my bedroom that holds my ARC copies.

They have not been read yet.

They have absolutely, definitely already been published.

I might re-read a book instead of reading an ARC. Worse, I might read an ARC that comes out much later than the one that has been staring at me woefully from the bookshelf.

There are just too many books in the world and I cannot inhale books. Trust me, I’ve tried.

***

You’re the #1 fan of a trilogy. You’ve ranted, raved, recommended it to the world. You’ll get an ARC of the final book, right?

So. So. Wrong.

And quite possibly the most heart-breaking thing you’ll have to face as a series fangirl.

It’s OK, you know, these things sometimes happen. Maybe faeries broke into the warehouse and purloined all the copies because they’re just that mischievous…

Yeah, that must be it.

***

You post regularly, because you are queen and don’t need breaks, or sleep. 

If you follow this blog, you’ll have realised I’m not a particularly regular blogger. I have all the best intentions in the world. I have a book journal and a bullet journal reminding me to write in my book journal.

But, you know, life.

I’ve given up writing blog posts apologising for being rubbish because it will happen again.

#SorryNotSorry.

***

You will write a brilliant, witty post. Ready. Set. GO!

You’ve done it! For once you’ve put aside time to write a post and you’re sat in front of your computer…So why is the screen still blank?

Just one sentence… Come on… Just. Write. One. Word. Yes… No… that was rubbish, try again…You fail at life. Just crawl back into bed and read actual good sentences written by capable authors.

Pretty much every organised blog post goes this way. I do have moments of inspiration, but they are normally squeezed into a 30 minute slot I’ve given myself during lunch or before I start work.

Turns out panic, stress and fear are great for breaking down the writing wall.

***

You will say no to ARC’s when you haven’t heard of them, or don’t have time to read them.

Yeah. Right. Like that’ll ever happen.

***

You will take beautiful pictures to post on Instagram

Sure. Only if I manage to take a photo before I start reading.

And I live in a literary shop full of beautiful bookshelves and bookish things. Because really, how do these people even have all of this beautiful stuff and be able to move around in their homes?

And who has a camera/lights/studio to be able to take professional looking photos anyway.

If you want to see my books, just have to make do with my wooden floor, coffee and book pictures…

…*accidently sips the coffee and ruins the entire photo*

…*gives up and reads the book instead*.

***

You’ve finally gotten the book you love and you’ll read it straight away.

Whether it’s an ARC or a purchase (we do buy books too, you know!), you’ll stroke the beautiful cover and whisper sweet promises of how soon you’ll open its pages and devour its stories.

You’ll then leave it on a shelf for anything from 1–3 years because, you know, other books.

It’s a hard life for a bookworm, but it’s a much harder life for a book.

***

You will not put every recommendation on your TBR.

As a book reviewer, your job is to be the go-to person for everyone to discuss books with. Great! I love books. I love talking about books – talk to me about anything book-related!…

…Except books I haven’t yet read. Because then I will have to put it on the TBR.

And then I will buy it.

And then create yet another new pile of books in my flat.

And then the books will collectively acquire so much intelligence they’ll turn into a real book dragon and take revenge on me for leaving them unread for so long.

And then I’ll either be eaten, squished, or smothered in piles of books.

And we definitely don’t want that to happen, do we?!

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One thought on “The Truth About Book Reviewers

  1. Great post! I love how down to earth and lighthearted your writing style is btw 🙂 I totally am the bibliophile who buys more and more and MORE books to the point that my flat has turned into a literary cluster of novels and bookish stuff, and yet, I still find myself one way or another spending an entire paycheck almost every weekend buying more books.
    *sigh* the struggles of a bookworm.
    Happy reading! 🙂

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